Ungrateful me

I think my big boss is perfect, so smart, well-spoken, friendly, damn cute, athletic, so successful at a relatively young age, so good and welldone in everything. So that the only bad thing about him is that he's happily married with 2 kids, and so faithful to his family.
I think my case is not rare at all, can say that it very often happens that we (we here is more to woman thing) tends to be attracted to somebody as role model who is close to our day to day things, be it the boss, the lecturer, the coach, etc. While in one thing we got the impression that that person can be reliable in what he does and what he seems, then appearance is also another thing.. that made up the "perfect" word.
I think I hate myself of still keeping his pictures and emails in my computer.. just don't dare enough to put one of his picture as the wallpaper.
I think I curse myself a lot when I jokingly said to my colleagues, that if he were divorced and suddenly propose me, won't take more than 10 seconds to accept and say yes.. since I am afraid that what I've just said is not a merely joke.
Gosh, how this thing is always happening?

Having a crush with somebody out of reach, from totally different space.. where I am sure that I already have somebody that trully care of me. Have somebody who always try to please me and to make me laugh. Somebody who misses my voice and my silly complaints. Somebody who did try to change to fit me. Who thinks that I am beautiful. Somebody whom I can speak about anything.. absolutely anything. Somebody to share my (most times) stupid thinking. Somebody who can stands my mood swing. Somabody who always think of me in every happy moments in his life.. and wish me to be there with him.

What an ungrateful and silly person I am..