Marriage

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing"
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour".
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date".
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Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No".
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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Husband: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears".
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Husband: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."
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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
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A newly married man asked his wife," Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,"I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."